ODD SIGNS FROM ENGLAND

Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT


Sign in a London department store: 
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS


In an office: 
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN


Outside a farm: 
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF


In an office: 
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD


On a church door: 
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)


English sign in a German cafe: 
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING


Outside a secondhand shop: 
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR 
WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?


Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: 
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.


Outside a photographer's studio: 
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO


Seen at the side of a Sussex road: 
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.


Outside a disco: 
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME


Sign warning of quicksand: 
QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.


Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish: 
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER


Notice in a dry cleaner's window: 
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF


Sign on motorway garage: 
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS


Notice in health food shop window: 
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS


Spotted in a safari park: 
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR


Seen during a conference: 
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR


Notice in a field: 
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. RUNNING ACROSS THIS FIELD TAKES A MAN 12 SECONDS, BULL DOES IT IN 10.


Message on a leaflet: 
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS


Sign on a repair shop door: 
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)


Sign at Norfolk farm gate: 
BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT


Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: 
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.